Negative Inside Chatter Unglued Chapter 10

Hello Divas and welcome to our continued walk through the book and bible study, Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst.   In chapter 10, Lysa talks about negative inside chatter.  When I read the title of the chapter, I knew this chapter was for me.  I am the QUEEN of MEAN in my head.  I talk to myself in ways that I would never allow someone else to talk to me.  My inner mean-girl is a bully! 

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It only takes an honest mistake, a quick comparison, or some criticism from someone else to push me over into a toxic thought wasteland.  A toxic thought wasteland is not a good place to be because it is so full of negativity and lies, there is no room for truth. 

I don’t know about y’all but when I get negative, an “unglued moment” is most likely on the horizon.  It is hard for me to see the good side of ANY situation when my inner mean girl starts yakking at me.  In the book, Lysa suggested that negative thoughts actually shift our endocrine system to focus on protection which limits our ability to think with wisdom or to develop healthy thoughts.    Wow.

In Philippians 4:6-8, the apostle Paul advised the following:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Switching my thoughts to something pure and lovely is hard for me in the moment.

Lysa gave three questions that we should ask ourselves when we feel negative self chatter begin:

1. Did someone actually say this or am I making assumptions about that they are thinking?  OOOH I need this.  I will read body language or a look and make it into an entire soap opera drama in my mind. 

2.  Am I actively immersing myself in truth?  Here is that truth word again! Often when I get negative, I also start awfullizing.  “This will NEVER get any better”.  I am going to be stuck on this job FOREVER”.  Test taking skills teach us, nothing is always, forever or NEVER.

3.  Are there situations or relationships that feed my insecurities? You just have to handle some folks with a long handle spoon.  It is just too exhausting to be their friend.

Being intentional about our thoughts helps us think clearly and be free enough to pour out love on other people.  Quieting negative inside chatter can also allow us the freedom to obey God’s call on our lives.  Ohhh weee.

How many of you have a dream that you know is ordained by God but you have not acted on it because you are:  too broke, too fat, too old, too young, not married, married, a mom……

Make sure to have chapters 9 & 10 read for our bible study discussion on this Saturday!

The Empty Woman-Unglued Bible Study Chapter 9

Hello Divas! We have been really learning some things about ourselves with this Unglued study haven’t we?  In chapter nine, Lysa talks about the elephant in the room…jealousy.

I don’t like to think of myself as a jealous person.  But honestly, it is hard to see other people get something that I really want but don’t have yet.  On one of my CRAZY weeks,  I had “work” to do at work that I really did not want to do. My nose started running, so I took Benadryl and had “medicine head”. I had been screaming and rushing around to get out of the door in the mornings and I had to start planning for a Zumba® event. (Y’all know all of that was a recipe for an UNGLUED MOMENT!)

Anywho, during the planning, I began to feel a pang of frustration. One of the other instructors helping with the event has her own fitness company. As I tried to complete the work I did not want to do at my regular job, my mind started to turn cart wheels. “Must be nice to do what you love ALL the time AND make tons of money”. “Why can’t I do what I love AND make money?” Then I really took a dive into the sea of green. I began to reflect on closing my party business and the dealing with the debt from doing what I was passionate about. Then, just looking at her email address made me very depressed.

The more I compared myself to the other instructor, the more lethargic and empty I felt.  Empty women come unglued.

Do you EVER compare your self to others?

In chapter nine, Lysa gave two simple action steps to deal with jealousy and comparing ourselves to others and I added a third:

1.  Focus on your own responsibilities and actions.

Galatians 6:4-5 (NIV)  Each one should test their own actions.  Then they can take pride in themselves alone without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. 

2.  Carry some love to others.  Find a way to be a blessing to someone else. When you change your focus away from yourself, all of a sudden your self-image improves. You get to experience the feeling of satisfaction that only comes when you’re a blessing to someone else.

3.  Have an attitude of gratitude.  An attitude of gratitude in all things helps bring joy to our lives.

How can you be a woman full of joy instead of an Empty woman this week?

Homework for this week’s bible study meeting–Chapters 9 & 10

 

Unglued Bible Study-Chapter 6 The Stuffers

Welcome to our continued discussion on our Unglued Bible Study written by Lysa Terkeurst.  In chapter 4, we learned about the different ways we come unglued:  we either explode or stuff.  Chapter 5  was all about Exploders! This week, we are focusing on Chapter 6 which is about Stuffers!

There two types of “stuffers”:  stuffers who build barriers and stuffers who collect retaliation rocks.

Stuffers who build barriers keep the peace by avoiding confrontation and pretending everything is ok.   I am a people pleaser who loves to help which means I am a champion STUFFER!  It just seems easier to PRETEND that everything is ok instead of having a hard conversation. I don’t want to make things worse, so I try to convince myself that I can just let it go.  That sounds good but the reality is….I don’t just “let it go”.  I build a barrier or distance myself from the person who has hurt me. 

Instead of barriers, Lysa says we need boundaries.  Personal boundaries are defined as guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

I don’t know about y’all but barriers are easier.  Boundaries require you to be clear about what you want.  Boundaries also need to be communicated and then executed. (ooooh!)

The other type of stuffers are Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks.  These Stuffers don’t mention their hurt feelings right away.  Instead, they make mental notes of every wrong and then use those collected wrongs as “weapons in future disagreements”.  Y’all know how this goes… you take and take and take until BOOOOOOOM!  You let ’em have it for old and new! You give your offender a piece of your mind! This has happened more times than I would like to admit with my family.

It is ironic.  We stuff in an effort to be peacemakers when in reality we are what Lysa calls “peacefakers”.  Lysa says, “True peacekeeping is about properly processing the emotions before they get stuffed and ROT into something horribly toxic”.

So how do we “properly process”?

1.  Gain some perspective!

2.  Then ask ourselves:

  • Am I trying to prove that I am right or IMPROVE the relationship?  (Ouch)
  • Do I have realistic expectations?(double ouch)

In other words we go back to a term from Chapter 4…. “soul integrity”.

“Soul Integrity is honesty that is godly.  Soul Integrity brings balance to unglued situations.  It makes us true peacemakers–people who aren’t stuffing or exploding but rather honestly demonstrating what they are experiencing in a godly manner.”

A passage in the book of James speaks about Soul Integrity:

James 3: 14-15, 17 (NIV) (I added the words in parenthesis)

14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast (explode) about it or deny the truth (stuff). 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic….But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

Are you trying to PROVE that you are right or are you trying to IMPROVE the relationship?

Do you have realistic expectations?

How can you display soul integrity in your day to day life?

Please have through chapter 6 read for our discussion this Saturday @ 8:30am!

The Exploders-Unglued Bible Study Chapter 5

Welcome to our continued discussion on our Unglued Bible Study written by Lysa Terkeurst.  In chapter 4, we learned about the different ways we come unglued:  we either explode or stuff.  Chapter 5 is all about Exploders!

Perhaps it is just me but I tend to come COMPLETELY UNGLUED with my family.  As much as I love my girls and would take a bullet for them, those two can really push my buttons! The morning shuffle, homework, and picking up after themselves are our largest “mommy-comes-unglued” triggers.

When I say Mommy-comes-unglued.  I don’t mean, mommy gets a little upset.  I mean Mommy Goes Kray-Kray! Of course once I do that, I feel HORRIBLE and shame myself about being a bad mother.

Do ever explode and blame others and then later shame yourself?

I just love how Lysa describes emotions and relationships as being like nailing Jell-O to the wall–complicated and messy.

When things are complicated and messy it is hard to see God at work.  When we get in an exploding mind frame, Lysa challenges us to get quiet so that we can see what God is doing and then do what HEwants us to do.

To further explain the getting “quiet” concept Lysa referred to the following scriptures:

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Humbling myself means that I may NOT need to respond right away. Ooooh, not responding right away is HARD and sometimes makes me feel like a wimp.  But the Word promises that when we humble ourselves HE will lift us up in due time. Getting quiet doesn’t mean we don’t discuss our feelings, it just means that we talk to God about the unglued situation FIRST! (Ouch)

1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

When we get quiet, we realize that the person or people who are getting on our nerves are NOT the enemy.  Satan is our enemy.

1Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

And that Divas is our promise.  God can use our conflicts for our good. 

Getting quiet before we explode gives perspective, identifies the REAL enemy, and as Lysa put it “frees us from the pressure to make everything turn out rosy”. WOW!

Dear God,

Thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to learn about how to control my emotions YOUR way.  Lord, stretch my mind and my feelings so I can embrace people who “dance on my happy” with grace.  Remind me Oh Lord to get quiet and seek instructions from YOU BEFORE I explode.   You never said this life would be without troubles.  In fact, your Word says that WHEN troubles come they should be an opportunity for joy.  Help me live out my God-created identity and be a light to the world.

What can you say or do to remember to get quiet BEFORE you react this week?

The Homework for next week is to read Chapter 6.

Looking for more discussion on this bible study? Head on over to Melissa Taylor’s Blog

I am Not a Freak Out Woman!-Unlgued Chapter 2

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Welcome Divas! I hope this week finds you well and with less “Unglued moments” than when we began this study. To be prepared for this week’s study, at minimum we asked that you read chapters 1 and 2 of the book Unglued.   If you missed last week’s discussion on Chapter 1 of Unglued see it here

This week, we will be discussing Chapter 2 and getting prepared for this week’s study on Saturday!!  So let’s jump right in:

Chapter two of the book is entitled, “I am Not a Freak Out Woman”.  I just love that.  What a mantra or thing to repeat to myself when the freak out part of me wants to rear her ugly head.  I don’t know about y’all but so many little things have caused me to freak out in the past.  When something major happens, I don’t have any freak out left so I just “jelly back”.

If you have no idea what jelly-back is, just picture a child on the playground whose parent announces that it is time to leave and then proceeds to take the child’s arm to lead them away. Perhaps not every child, but at least ONE of mine, would simply go limp–jelly back if you will–onto the ground. Then I would have to try to pick up their dead weight.

 Divas, we can control our emotions.  We are NOT freak out or jelly back women! 

 One of the ways that Lysa Terkeurst suggests that we control our reaction to things is to change our perspective. 

 Perspective is critical to not coming unglued. 

Our perspective is how we view something, what we think about it.  In the dictionary, perspective is defined as:  the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity.  WOW.  It is amazing how looking at things with the accurate point of view changes our reaction.

Lysa challenges us to develop new thoughts so that we can develop new responses. 

In the bible, God issues the same challenge.  He challenges us to renew our minds and get rid of negative thoughts.

 Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Isn’t it interesting that the Word suggests that we must renew our minds and “THEN” we will be able to test and approve what God’s will is?  Hmmm….so right at the moment when we begin to feel feak-out-ish or jelly backish is probably NOT the time to make any decisions. 

 2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

 I don’t think I have ever thought about taking my thoughts captive and making them mind me!  But the text here suggests we do that very thing.  As a way to renew our minds, we have to remind ourselves about who God is, how HE sees us, and what HE can do. 

 Lysa penned it so well:  I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control!

 So Divas, for the homework for this week:

 1. Make sure you have the homework from week 1 finished.

2.  Practice Memorizing 2 Corinthians 10:5 and Romans 12:2

To help with memorization, Melissa Taylor recreated some awesome artwork with the verses on them.  Click here to get the free artwork!

Want information about our study or want info on purchasing the book?  Click Here